A Place In Your Heart
by The Accident-Prone Klutz
Summary: This is what you get when you let people walk all over you; heartbreak. And there's nobody to blame but yourself. Tamao/Nagisa Three-shot
1. Tamao

**Kay, well, I saw Strawberry Panic! And fuck, yes I like yaoi AND yuri - sue me. **

**So anyway, I was super unhappy with the ending. I mean like wtf, that was quite rude of Shizuma to ruin their moment :O**

**So I was "inspired" and sort of felt obligated to write my own "what if". And I needed to get this Tamao- depressive stage out of me. :( Um, there isn't much to say. I fully support Tamao/Nagisa, because let's face it, they're just totally awesome. I have nothing against Shizuma, I just don't like her with Nagisa... Um, this is my first story for Strawberry Panic!, so sorry if the characters aren't totally "in character" mah bad! Also this is following after the ceremony and stuff.**

**I'm planning on making this a two-shot story because I still need to work on my _other _stories -_-...  
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**Disclaimer, I don't own this anime or anything besides the plot of the story.**

**Enjoy :D  
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**x.X.x  
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Tamao

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"_Congratulations, Nagisa-chan."_

.

.

You're not sure exactly how you got here – well you know the route and the way to get to your room – but you're not sure how your feet managed to drag you there. Your mind is a clouded bubble with only one thing swimming in it.

And you hate yourself for thinking of that person.

You can feel your face heat up in embarrassment, as you close the door behind you, thinking about the events that occurred earlier in the day. They're still fresh and new. It still stings, painfully, as you remember the way her _I love you_ rang through the chapel. As if she even had a right to say that. To ruin your moment. To take her away from-

You sigh, and untie the bow in your hair. It's been a long day, and you want to forget about it. You really do, but you know you'll never forget what happened. As you drop the bow on your bed something else falls along with it; a red ribbon. _The_ red ribbon. Your chest constricts slightly, and suddenly you're finding it difficult to breathe. It's horrible; it's so horrible, because you know you'll never ever again see this ribbon in _her_ hair. You'll never see it tied around her wrist; you'll never see it anywhere near her.

Your fingers brush against the ribbon softly, hoping to feel one last attachment towards _her_. Maybe, just maybe you can still smell her scent on it, you think. So you bring it gently towards your face, but roughly push it away. It's stupid to do this, you feel.

It's over. It really is over. It's pretty sad how you're making it seem as if you broke up with her, when in reality there was never really anything between you two.

There isn't a moment in your life you hate yourself more, than now.

You want to throw yourself into your bed, mope, and drown out your sorrows, but there's something holding you back. And by god, does the self-loathing feeling only grow.

You hear footsteps close to your dormitory door. They slowly come to a hesitant stop outside, and you just know it's _her_. You can bet on your little notebook of the subject in matter.

Through the dark, you can make out the turning of the door handle and then the pause. She knows you're in here. Why wouldn't you be in the room waiting up for her to come? It's what you're good at – waiting for _her_. Angered by this thought, you jump up from your seat and walk towards the door. You want to yank it open and yell at her. You're furious with her – how she humiliated you in front of all of your friends, how she blatantly rejected you in front of all of those people in the chapel. How could she do that to you? You're her _best_ friend. But that was it, that's all it ever was.

You're close to pulling the door open, your hand is even on the doorknob, but something makes you stop. You hear her sigh heavily on the other side, and you feel the door creak slightly in strain. She's leaning on the other side, you think.

You're still a little angry, but you're thinking is quite not irrational yet, so you settle to leaning against your side of the door. You wait for her to speak, but you realize that she's not going to be speaking soon. Suddenly it occurs to you that maybe she's too embarrassed to even show her face to you. The anger immediately washes away and you're consumed with worry and this urge to comfort her. It's pathetic really, how easily you'd go out on a limb to do anything for her.

You let out a soft sigh, before speaking.

"Welcome back, _Nagisa-chan_." You're surprised at how composed your voice sounds. Maybe it's because you've got a big wooden barrier between the two of you. She doesn't say anything at first. It's quiet on her side; you can't even hear her nervous fidgeting.

"_Tamao-chan_ – " Her voice sounds strained, and you know what she's going to say next. You can feel it in your bones; you have this sudden chill, despite the heavy uniform you're wearing. You even feel the doorknob turn, but your hand clamps it in place.

"Don't." You cut in harshly, surprising yourself again with your voice.

She's quiet, and you feel guilty.

You sigh again, another pitiful sigh, before speaking. "Please, I need a moment, I'm…" You trail off, trying to come up with an excuse. "I'm not decent."

It's pretty stupid, considering that you're fully dressed in your uniform, and there's no way you could be able to dress that fast into it. But it doesn't occur to you then.

After _a moment_ has passed, you let go of the doorknob and step away from the door. It opens only a few seconds after you've let it go.

"Tamao-chan." She's behind you and you know she didn't believe your lie. Her voice is clear and high, now that she's in the same room as you. You suddenly wish the door was between you again because you don't think you can keep your expression in check.

So you keep your back faced to her. You don't want her to see you. And you don't really want to _see_ her either. See her pale skin flushed with a light blush, or her russet hair tousled and tangled from her day with – you're not sure you can even manage to mention the name of _that_ girl in your thoughts.

"I'm sorry." She says quietly. You can hear the slight ounce of hope in her voice. Hope that you'll turn around and forgive her. And that's exactly what you do – well almost.

You do turn around though, and she looks exactly how you pictured her. Flushed skin, tousled hair. You can't help but think that she looks so beautiful, more beautiful than before the ceremony because she just looks so happy.

You want to be happy that you see her so happy, but you can't muster the joy. All you feel is a little resentment, towards Nagisa and _her_, and especially towards yourself. This is what you get when you let people walk all over you; heartbreak. And there's nobody to blame but yourself.

You don't realize that she's waiting for you to respond. But you can feel her deep ruby eyes are on you, they're questioning and confused.

"_Tamao-chan_, please forgive me. I know I shouldn't have left you – "

"It's fine." You say softly, and you can hear her fidgeting behind you, like she wants to say something – like she wants to counter you, but she doesn't. Your hands clench awkwardly at your sides and you're not sure what to do with them. You smooth them out finally and clutch at your dress. "No, what I mean, it's quite alright _really_ Nagisa-chan. I'm glad that you're happy; that's all that counts."

"Tamao – "

"Congratulations." You find yourself repeating that line out loud in front of her. And you can't help but feel as if it came out flat. But you don't care.

For once in your life, you _don't_ care. For once you're actually worried about yourself. How every second of her looking at you is breaking you apart inside. You didn't want to have this confrontation because you know deep down it will be some kind of closure between you two. And you don't think you're ready for it. Not yet.

You're not sure you ever will be.

.

.

You think after a few days, a few weeks at the most, you'll feel a little better. But you don't. In fact you feel a little worse being around Nagisa. You said to yourself a dozen times that you want her to be happy. And a happy Nagisa only happens when she's with –

"_Shizuma-sama_!" Nagisa blurts out, when she opens the door. _She_ looks beautiful in all of her silver haired glory. You can't help but want to shoot her a glare or a pout at the very least. But you keep your expression in check, because you're very good at it now. Concealing your emotions.

It makes you sick to your stomach how Nagisa practically glows whenever the older girl is around. You hate it. You hate them. No. You don't hate your _Nagisa-chan_. Oh but you want to so much. It would make things so much easier, you think. Hating Nagisa would help you move on. You should hate her.

But you love her too much.

The older girl looks over Nagisa's head in your direction. Her narrow eyes stare at you questioningly, as if she could read your thoughts. And you turn away with a small grunt.

You hate _her_. Sometimes you feel guilty for thinking this way for a well respected student. But you can't find it in yourself to forgive her, regardless if she makes Nagisa happy.

She better make her happy, you think.

You pretend to read your book, like you were before this bitch barged through your door.

"So are you ready?" She asks Nagisa, and you wish you heard impatience in her voice.

"Oh yeah!" She exclaims like a little excited puppy. Of course she'd be excited to spend her day with lovely Shizuma. Who wouldn't be excited – besides you?

Unexpectedly, Nagisa turns over her shoulder to send you a sad smile. "Will _Tamao-chan_ be okay while I'm gone?"

You didn't anticipate being addressed, not while Ms. I'm-so-great-with-my-sparkly-silver-hair was in the vicinity. You babble for a minute, your eyes wide and shocked.

"Um yeah." You finally manage to utter. Her ruby eyes gaze at you with a mixture of sadness and disappointment. And you're completely confused for a moment. Why did she look so sad?

"Okay, well… I'll only be gone for a few hours." She sighs out, before turning and walking out with Shizuma.

You find yourself staring at the door for the longest. And then it hits you, you're mask isn't doing a very good job and your Nagisa-chan is starting to become observant. It couldn't have come at a worse time.

.

.

Nagisa is lying on her bed, you know she isn't asleep. She just came home from a date with Shizuma. She seemed pretty upset when she walked in. You would have questioned her about it, but you don't want to go into it. _You're_ pretending to be asleep, because quite honestly you can't handle hearing Nagisa talk about her.

But she doesn't know that about you. Of course she doesn't, because Nagisa has no clue of your undying love for her.

You can hear her rolling in her sheets and the occasional huffing noises she makes. You're laying flat on your back, so you sneak a peek at her. She's glaring at the ceiling, with a deep pout on her lips.

You should have just ignored her and turned around continuing your charade of being asleep, but you're Tamao _freaking_ Suzumi the girl who'd walk on fire for Nagisa. So it's only expected that you'd go out and help her.

"Nagisa-chan." You call out towards her, sitting up. Her head immediately flashes in your direction. "Is something the matter?"

"I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" She apologizes quickly.

"No, I wasn't asleep." You feel like smacking yourself after you say that. Cover blown. Her eyebrows pull together in confusion as she notices the shift in your expression. You bow your head hastily, turning away from your gaze. "Anyway, if there's something upsetting you, _Nagisa-chan_, you can tell me."

You look back at her, she's chewing her lip.

"It's nothing." She answers shortly, before sighing. "Actually…" she gets up at this point, walks over to your bed and stands over you, giving you a pleading look.

.

Nagisa is staring at you; half of her face is covered by your sheets. Again, you're not exactly sure how you got into a particular situation. One second Nagisa was staring at you from her bed and the next she's in yours.

You really should've said no. But then she had to give you that puppy dog expression that had your heart racing.

You make sure that there's a decent gap between the two of you, at least five inches. She notices, and gives you a puzzled stare, she even tries to move closer to you but you cough uncomfortably, stopping her.

"So, what's wrong?" You urge on, subtly moving closer to the wall. You immediately catch the initial frustration flash through her eyes.

"It's – well – something I found out today." She admits, looking away from your face, giving you enough time to breathe properly. It's been so long since you've been this close to her. If the light was on, you're pretty sure you can count the freckles on her cheeks. "Shizuma and I had an argument."

At the mention of the older girl's name, you find yourself frowning. You can't help it; it's just your first reaction. Nagisa – much to your disdain – catches it. You quickly shift your frown into an indifferent expression, waiting for her to continue.

But she's still staring at you weirdly.

"About what?" You probe, waking her from her thoughts.

"Hm?"

"What did you two argue about?" You probe. You gaze at her suspiciously. She flushes, and you think it's because you've caught her being ditzy.

Her expression sobers up as she grows serious by the second. "Shizuma wants to study abroad." She pauses, and you see a flash of pain flicker through her ruby eyes. "It's not that I don't want her to, it's a great opportunity, but – but I wish she would have told me this earlier so I would have been more… prepared."

You don't realize that you're body is as stiff as a board as you listen intently to what Nagisa is saying.

"I feel like I'm going to lose her. What will I have then, Tamao-chan?"

Me, you'll have me, you think earnestly.

You don't voice out your thoughts though. You're glad because you don't think you can take causing more pain towards Nagisa by thrusting your feelings in her face.

She closes the gap between you and cries on your shoulder.

That's probably when it truly hits you that you don't stand a chance anymore.

It's then that you really begin to make an effort to avoid her.

.

.

A month goes by, a month of you dipping and dodging away from Nagisa. It's harder than you thought it would be. You hate this distance you're putting between yourself and Nagisa but you can't do anything else. You can't be around her without moping, being a downer and letting a depressing sigh slip out. That's it, that's exactly how you feel. You're _depressed_. And it shows. It shows like a transparent window.

The year is almost over, you think, you only have to deal with this torture only for a little while longer.

You try to distract yourself, so you've been spending a lot of time hanging around Yaya. She's fun, and you almost – for a tiny moment – forget about Nagisa and the tension between the two of you. It's so easy to lose yourself with her. Sometimes Tsubomi joins you two, and their constant bickering is one of the best distractions for you.

But at the end of the day, you're still miserable.

It's hard to imagine Yaya in a situation similar to yours – having unrequited feelings for your best friend. She's so strong and carefree, and to put it simply, really doesn't care what anyone thinks of her. So how can she _not_ get the girl she wants?

"How do you do it?" You ask one day. You're both sitting out on a bench, overlooking random students from all three schools roaming about.

"Do what?" She questions, staring at you with a raised brow. Her brown eyes dart between yours, studying you, and you look away uncomfortably.

"Pretend like nothing's wrong." You clarify, taking the time to fidget with your fingers. You still feel her deep eyes on you and for a second you wish you never brought the subject up. "Pretend like you're not about to break any second."

She stays quiet. You sneak a peek at her to find her eyes closed, a small serene smile gracing her lips.

"How do _you_ do it, Tamao?"

.

.

It was only a matter of time before it happened; Nagisa confronting you. And when it happened, oh boy did you really hate yourself.

You're sitting at your desk, with a pencil and your notebook open, it's a new one. You've buried your _other_ notebook away, a long time ago. Nagisa is there with you, she's just gotten home from being with Shizuma.

You're slightly surprised that she doesn't have that usual star struck expression plastered across her face today. Ever since that night she confided in you, she's made an effort to make the best of her remaining time with Shizuma.

It's odd, but you don't question it, your content with pretending to write. Pretending to study, pretending to not care.

She slowly walks over to her bed and sits down. You can feel her eyes on you, so you put your book down and attempt to get into bed before she tries to talk to you.

"Tamao-chan," she starts softly, it makes you freeze in your tracks. You hate how easily your body responds to her voice. You _hate_ it. "Tamao-chan, can we… talk?"

You hesitate, before sinking into your bed, staring at her from across the room.

"Sure, Nagisa-chan." You say brightly – or at least try to say brightly. She gives you a confused expression. As if she knew it was fake.

Her ruby eyes look away briefly before meeting your gaze. She chews on her bottom lip nervously and you want to make her stop. You don't want her to cut herself. "Tamao-chan, I know I haven't been a very good friend to you. You're my best friend. And best friends are supposed to be there for each other."

You're suddenly very nervous.

"But I can't help feeling that you're… avoiding me." She confesses, and she gives you this heart wrenching stare. You feel like bursting out into tears, but you restrain yourself. "Did I do something wrong? Please tell me, Tamao-chan. I don't want to lose you-"

"You didn't do anything wrong." You try to reassure her. But you can feel the lie on your tongue. "I'm not going anywhere."

She bows her head, her russet colored hair covering her eyes. When she looks back up at you, she's crying. And you have no idea what to do. You're torn between running out of the room, and pulling her into a hug.

"I-I talked to Shizuma earlier- " You feel your lips fall into a deep frown. "- And she told me things I didn't even know were possible."

"What do you mean?" You're mouth is dry. And your chest is constricting in the same way as the night of the ceremony. It's getting harder to breathe again. You're lungs feel like they're getting run over by a truck.

You know what she's going to say. You have no idea how, but you know exactly what she's going to ask you.

"_Tamao-chan_, d-do you love me?"

For a moment you think you're in some kind of sick teenaged movie. But it's only a short winded hope. Because now she's staring at you disbelievingly.

Somehow you find your voice in the mess of your thoughts.

"Of course I love you; you're my best friend silly." You manage to spit out quickly, causing Nagisa to flinch. She recovers and shakes her head roughly, sitting up from the bed. She walks over to you slowly and every step closer she takes only makes the urge to run stronger.

"I mean, are you in _love_ me?"

And suddenly the fear and suffocating feeling ebbs away. You realize that you're angry. Very angry. How dare she even question you? You've taken so long to try to bury these feelings and she just has the decency to bring them up again. She never noticed your feelings before and she thinks she has the right to notice them now, after picking _her_ over you?

Your eyes narrow and you know you're glaring at her.

"I can't believe you actually have the nerve to ask me that." You're saying it in a quivering whisper.

"Tamao-chan –"

"You're incredible, you know that." You're close to tears by this point, and you know that she can see you breaking down. You've had it. You can't take it anymore, hiding from her.

"I didn't mean to-"

"No of course you didn't." You sneer.

"Tamao-chan…"

You shake your head and turn away roughly. Away from her pitiful stare, because she sees right through you now. She _knows_, oh god, she knows that you're in love with her. And the only reason you've been acting like a stick in the mud is because she's not yours.

"Don't want to talk about it." You say through clenched teeth. You don't speak to her after that. Instead you bury yourself in your covers and pretend there's a big wooden barrier between the two of you.

That night you're the one crying yourself to sleep, except there's no shoulder to lean on.

.

The next morning you wake up before Nagisa. And just seeing her there sleeping immediately washes away any pent up anger you were feeling towards her. At the end of the day, you still love this girl to death. And despite your internal battles, you'll do anything for her.

You're a slave to her, and you know it.

You get ready. By the time you're out of the shower and dressed, she's barely getting up. Her hair's a mess and she has a light flush over her cheeks from waking up. You think she looks adorable, and you wish you could voice your thoughts. But you don't.

When her eyes fall on you, she frowns. And you frown too.

"Tamao-chan." It's all she needs to say. It's all she needs to say to have you doubling over and begging for her forgiveness.

"I'm sorry about last night Nagisa-chan." You mutter out, before walking towards the door. Your hand reaches for the handle and you're about to open it, but you hesitate.

"Tamao –"

"I just," You pause and turn to look at her over your shoulder. She gives you an expression that reminds you of a stray cat. "I just need a little time."

.

.

You pour tea in Yaya's cup, watching her expression carefully. You're both in her room. You've taken to spending the night in her room lately, seeing as you can't be around Nagisa for the time being.

"So you confessed?" She spoke after taking a sip of tea. She hisses, briefly complaining that it's too hot, before looking at you. Her brown eyes are unusually soft and you can't help but admire them.

"No." You say quickly, but then wince. "I mean not directly."

"What is that even supposed to mean?" She snaps, giving you a condescending look. You're admiring soon stops.

"She knows." You answer and immediately Yaya's expression softens again. She knows how you're feeling. She's the only person that actually _gets_ you. And you're so glad that you have her as a friend.

"That's good then." She finally says shortly. "You've thrust all of her options into her scatterbrained head."

"She doesn't have any other options." You answer dejectedly, ignoring her insult. "She loves Shizuma. I never stood a chance."

Her teacup slams down hard on the table, tea spills over the rim. You're still shocked over the sudden clanking of the china.

"When are you going to get it through your head that you _did_ stand a chance – I mean you still do!" She practically yells at you. And you're scared. I mean she didn't have to yell at you like a crazy maniac. Her voice lowers once she notices your frightened expression. "Tamao, you _are_ good enough. You're a great person, anyone would be lucky to have you. You don't need Nagisa to tell you that."

She's staring at you with her intense brown eyes and you don't know what to think. That was probably all you ever needed to hear.

But, you love _her_.

And Yaya knows that, she understands you. Understands that you just can't let her go, after all, she can't let go of Hikari.

.

.

Again you're in another situation, in which you have no clue how you got yourself into. Everyone's in Yaya's room. Well with the exception of Shizuma, Miyuki, Amane, and Hikari – although Hikari said she was going to drop by, seeing as it _was_ her room as well.

Yaya claimed this was just going to be a lovely tea party. And since you make the best tea, you _had_ to come. But you have this gut feeling that she has something else planned.

You sneakily walk down the halls of Spica, careful not to bang your tea set around in your bag. You decided to bring your own, because quite frankly Yaya's practically combusted under her care. Once you reach her door, you knock the secret code you two have come up with. You don't know why you do it; maybe it's just out of habit.

The door creaks open slightly, and to your surprise – and slight annoyance – Nagisa opens the door. Her ruby eyes widen, and her cheeks flush a light pink.

"Oh! Tamao-chan!" She exclaims loudly. You hear Yaya hiss an angry _shut up_ in her direction from the background.

You greet her politely and walk inside. You don't go out of your way to talk to Nagisa and she notices it. You know she does.

You soon realize that you're the last guest to arrive, besides Hikari. Everyone is sitting around an empty table Yaya has procured. So you pull out your tea set and get to work on it.

.

The whole while you're preparing the tea you can feel Nagisa's eyes on you. You don't know how to feel really. It should make you upset and annoyed at her invasiveness, but for some odd reason you feel pleased. And you hate yourself for feeling that way because it will never happen. Whatever you want with Nagisa; it will _never_ happen.

Once you're finished, you pour everyone a cup, leaving yourself last. You can't help but glance at Nagisa out of habit and she's still staring at you. That same unreadable expression plastered across her face.

The words come rushing out of your mouth before you can stop them.

"Where's Shizuma-sama?" You ask.

Nagisa's expression falters, and you see pain flash through her eyes. She's still looking at you, but you sense guilt radiating off of the redhead.

"She – uh – she's busy with things." She says and you know that it's a lie. With the way that she's looking at you, you know that the reason the bitch isn't here has something to do with you.

She knows that you're in love with Nagisa, you think. Well of course she would, Nagisa, herself, knows.

You're confused now. What would Shizuma need to worry about? Nagisa is clearly in love with her. You're not a wedge in their relationship. In fact you've been staying pretty clear away from Nagisa.

You don't have enough time to ponder these thoughts because Yaya slams her cup in a dramatic way on the table, catching everyone's attention.

"I'm bored." She announces.

Tsubomi, sitting next to her, rolls her eyes in a way that's just as a dramatic as Yaya's cup slamming.

"Idiot, this is your sleep over." She murmurs. Yaya immediately rounds on the pinkette.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, nothing!"

"Anyway, I'm bored." Yaya continues, looking at you. "Let's play truth or dare."

You want to complain how cliché that is for all of you to play that game. You really don't think this is a good idea; really, you just want to finish your tea and go to sleep. But you keep quiet. You don't have the effort to argue, and Yaya scares you.

"Okay, who's first?"

.

You're going in a circle.

It's going to be your turn next and you're dreading it because this game is stupid and you don't want to make a fool out of yourself. Before, you'd actually be pretty excited about this stupid game, but now you're just different.

You _hate_ attention. Especially after that disastrous Etoile election ceremony.

Finally you feel all of their eyes on you; the ones that stand out are Nagisa's (of course) and Yaya's. You're nervous because Yaya can be quite mean sometimes, especially in front of all of your friends.

"So truth or dare, Tamao?" She asks you sweetly. And it makes you frown.

"I don't really want to play so – "

"Truth or dare!" She slams her teacup down, as if she were a judge. And you face palm.

"Truth then."

"Okay, have you ever… " She trails off, tapping her chin thoughtfully and you're waiting until you can get this over with. Nagisa's amused eyes are on you and it's only making you more nervous. It's only then that you realize at some point she got up from her seat to sit next to you. When did that happen? " Had a wild sex fantasy of anyone in this room?"

Without thinking your eyes flash towards the person next to you, and you feel like an idiot for implying the answer.

"T-that – What kind of question is that!" You demand, feeling your face grow hot.

"One that you have to answer!" Yaya snaps, wearing a large smirk.

"Dare! I choose dare then!" You stammer out, trying to ignore the giggling among the girls.

"You can't do that-" Tsubomi starts but Yaya clamps a hand over her mouth. And suddenly you regret what you said. You could have lied to them for god sakes.

"Fine, I _dare_ you to kiss Nagisa."

You think you might have fainted at that moment. But then you realize that you're still in a room with everyone staring at you. You haven't fainted or blacked out at all. Your gaze shifts to one person in particular. Nagisa is staring at you expectantly, a small blush forming on her pale cheeks. And you don't know what to do. You're frozen on the spot, gaping at her with an open mouth.

She can't really expect for you to follow through with this stupid game, can she? She has a girlfriend. And you're in love with her. There has to be some kind of boundary!

With a crimson face, you glare at Yaya with as much frustration as you can muster.

"That's not funny." You mumble, still shaken. You're angry. And it's irrational, because it's just a game and you shouldn't take things so seriously. But it's just gotten personal. How could Yaya have the decency to put you in a situation like this? Out of all the people in here, you think that she's the one that should understand you the most. So then why is she doing this?

"I can't believe you!" You snap, rising from your seat. "Do you all expect me to just go out and kiss Nagisa-chan as if – as if it were _okay_?"

"Tamao, we're just kidding around – " Yaya stammers, but you turn away.

"Enjoy your game." You say, before reaching out and picking up your bag. You tea set will just have to wait to be picked up tomorrow.

"Oh come on Tamao!"

"_Tamao-chan!"_

You're out the door in less than a second. You hate it when you're mad, because you really don't think reasonably. It's late at night, and you could get in to trouble for being out when it's curfew. But it doesn't matter to you now. You're _angry_.

That's all you've ever been lately; angry. This thought only makes you even more upset.

"_Tamao-chan!"_

Great now you're hearing Nagisa in your thoughts. As if that couldn't have been the cherry on top for you.

You only quicken your pace, hoping to distract yourself, maybe you're just going crazy.

It isn't until you feel a hand around your wrist that you realize you weren't imagining Nagisa calling you. You spin around and face her. She's bent over, panting heavily, one hand on her knee and the other still holding your wrist tightly.

"Nagisa-chan, what are you – "

"You- you can't just run off like that!" She scolds you. You look down embarrassed. "Do you _want_ to get in trouble?"

"I'm sorry." You apologize. And you are sorry, for making a complete idiot out of yourself.

She shakes her head, straightening up. "Don't. It's my fault, I shouldn't have let her egg you on," She pauses, and looks down. She looks like she's blushing, but it could be trick of the moonlight. "I just didn't know that the thought of kissing me was so repulsive to you."

You feel your face heat up at the topic she brought up. Her hand is still clamped around your wrist.

"It's not – it's not like that. I mean…" You trail off awkwardly. "I just don't want to hope for the impossible."

Her head snaps up to meet your gaze. Her ruby eyes dart between yours as if she's trying to look for something in your own eyes.

"Tamao-chan, what do you mean the _impossible_?" She questions seriously, tugging at you wrist, pulling you closer.

If it was possible, you face boiled like an egg.

"The thought of me and you." You say slowly, averting your eyes. "The thought that maybe you might … love me."

You don't look at her, but then you don't have to because the next thing you know she's kissing you. Hard and desperate. You'd never think that Nagisa could be the dominating one, but at this moment she totally owns you.

Her lips move against yours, exploring, making your heart beat out of your chest. You shiver involuntarily, when you feel her hand release your wrist, and trail their way around your body, pulling you against her. Her teeth lightly graze against your lips making you whimper in a pathetic way. You hate yourself for it, but you love this. Her mouth tastes just like the last time you kissed her… when she was asleep. That sweet citrusy taste overflows your mouth as she breaks apart your lips. And what do you do? You're completely helpless. If she was not holding you, you're pretty sure you'd collapse.

You're drowning in her. You don't even care if you make it out alive.

.

But soon you resurface back into reality.

.

"It was a mistake; I'm sorry Tamao-chan." She tells you the next morning. And saying your heart shattered into a million pieces is an understatement. The pieces got trampled, then run over, and burned – and reincarnated so the process could start all over again.

And yet you can't disagree with her. You knew at some point all that kissing last night was too good to be true. The feel of her hands tangled in your hair. Her lips at your neck. The soft whispered _Tamao-chan's _in your ear. It was all too good to be true.

It's expected.

It's was expected for you to walk to your dormitory alone, and for her to go running back into Shizuma's arms.

It was all expected. This is what you get when you let people walk all over you; heartbreak. And there's nobody to blame but yourself.

Yet, for some sick, twisted reason, you can't help but think it was all worth it, regardless if you want to hate her.

You just _love_ her too much.

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**That's all I got for this chapter :/**

**Tell me what you think, yeah? Should I even bother to continue x)  
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**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW please!  
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	2. Nagisa

**Oh wow so I'm sorry for updating this story like a whole month later. But it was a side project and one of my less important one :/ Sorry. Anyway, I lied. I've decided this is going to be a *drum roll* three-shot. Lol. I thought I owed Nagisa a chance to tell her side of the story. And this is what I cooked up. ;) However, I think Nagisa is a bit out of character; she's a bit too perceptive, while on the show she's such a little ditzy, lovable, airhead. Anyway...  
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**I hope you like it. **

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Nagisa

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"_Will Tamao-chan be okay while I'm gone?"_

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You know something is wrong with her. Why wouldn't you notice? You _are_ her best friend. And best friends notice everything.

The first thing that crosses your mind is the Etoile election ceremony. Well, you _did_ humiliate her in front of those couple hundred people. You and Shizuma. You are momentarily sidetracked, when the name flashes through your mind. You feel you face heat up as you think of your silver haired girlfriend.

And why shouldn't you? You've come a long way to get where you're at now. You're happy. But _she_ isn't.

You're sitting on your bed cross legged, as you look at Tamao's desk standing innocently off to the side of the room. For some reason you feel a little sick at the thought of it being empty. It's not normal. It's not normal for the poet to _not_ be cramming notes into her books, or muttering lines to herself. You idly muse if she's even been writing at all. You haven't seen her with a book in such a long time.

You think back to the time you sat in on her poetry club, and the poem she recited aloud reverberates in your head. That was probably the first time you realized how great Tamao was. Even with the way her whole face lit up as she proudly read her poem showed that she, herself, knew it too.

You continue to think of the poem as you cross your arms over your chest. Of course, you don't remember the words entirely – actually you don't remember them at all. It only makes that sick feeling trickle down towards your stomach, making it even more prominent.

You sigh and look out the window; the sky is dimming, and the sun is setting. It'll be curfew any moment, and Tamao still hasn't returned.

It's been like this for a few weeks – ever since the ceremony. Tamao doesn't talk to you as often. She doesn't stay in the room very long. And it makes you upset because she's your best friend, and you hate to see her upset.

You let out another sigh, and play with your hands. Your fingers lightly brush against the thin silver ring on your right hand. You feel your lips pull into a tiny smile as you stroke it gently. A gift from Shizuma, it was a sort of promise ring, according her. But you still cherish it nonetheless. It just makes what you have with her more _real_.

You really _are_ together with her. And that thought alone lightens your mood, and makes you forget about the poet.

For about five seconds, because then Tamao herself walks in through the door.

"Ah, _Tamao-chan_." You greet, brightly.

You notice the way she winces slightly and averts her violet eyes as she sees you in the room. It only makes your lifted spirits sink and pummel to the ground. Why did your presence dampen _her_ mood?

"Nagisa-chan." She replies, throwing you a strained smile. She walks stiffly to her desk, and relieves herself of her bag around her shoulder.

"I was getting a little worried. It's almost curfew." You say lightheartedly. She grins back and it almost looks sincere. It pains you how obvious she's being.

"Ah, it was a long day at the poetry club, sorry for worrying you." She apologizes and walks towards the bathroom.

You know she's lying; poetry club isn't on Saturdays.

You stare at the bathroom door and hear her turn on the shower. It's pointless to wait up for her.

You know, that's all you're going to get out of her today. So, with another heavy sigh, you roll into the covers of your bed.

.

.

"What is it, Nagisa?"

Her voice sounds so distant when she's addressing you, that you jump slightly. You don't know if it's you, or her, that causes this reaction.

"Eh?"

Shizuma's golden eyes narrow for a second, in that smoldering stare that used to freeze you in your tracks. You want to think that you're used it, but you don't think you ever will be.

You're both enjoying the nice sunny day – well at least you wish you could be enjoying it. But you feel like there's a lingering rain cloud over your head. A Tamao cloud. And you feel guilty for thinking of her when you're with your girlfriend.

Shizuma reaches a hand and flips her hair behind her shoulder, a gesture that breaks you from your depressive thoughts and has you gasping. She really is beautiful, you think. You are so lucky to have her.

"What's wrong with my _Nagisa-chan?_"

You're face unintentionally falls at being addressed. It was only a few minutes earlier that you were addressed in the same way by _her_. That sad forlorn look in her violet eyes, as she watched you walk away.

"What's troubling you?" Her hand reaches out and her long fingers stroke your cheek. They're ice cold against your warm face. You flush and bow your head.

"It's nothing." You assure firmly. You don't really want to talk about this with Shizuma. Why would you even want to be talking about another girl when your girlfriend won't be with you for very long? "Forget it."

Her face looks doubtful, before she wraps her arms around you and pulls you against her.

"Tell me." She breathes into your face, and for a moment you forget where you are.

"It's – it's well _Tamao-chan_," You begin, noticing one of her eyebrows rising in mild surprise.

"And how is our little poet?" She asks a bit unkindly, you notice. It shouldn't bother you, it really shouldn't. She has every right to get upset for not wanting to talk about Tamao. But it still makes you a slightly miffed how she can't even say her name.

You ignore the feeling and continue.

"It's just that she's been avoiding me lately." You say, feeling your face start to heat up at the intense stare she is giving you. Her eyes narrow slightly and she looks away from you. "I don't know what it is."

She loosens her hold on you and leans back against the tree. You stare up at her and see the amused expression on her pale face. You don't know why, but it unnerves you a little, and not in the usual, heart stopping, face heating, _good_ way.

"You really don't see it, do you Nagisa?" Her lip curves into a tiny smirk. You pull your eyebrows together and frown.

"Don't see what?"

She pauses, letting out a tiny sigh, before gazing back down at you.

"She's in love with you." Shizuma says with that same confident smile. "And she's bitter because you've chosen me instead of her."

.

.

You don't quite know what exactly to think of that. You're pretty sure your face is still frozen in that initial shocked expression at hearing Shizuma's words.

The thought just seems impossible.

_Tamao, in love with me?_

It sounds foreign in your mind.

You don't know if you believe it or not. You need to see her. You need to see her in order for you to know for sure if that's the reason.

So you confront her the moment you see her. And it doesn't go as well as you hoped. She denies when you ask her, naturally. But you can't help but keep probing. You know you should stop but you just need to know.

She's no longer looking at you, but rather, glaring at the floor between the two of you.

"Tamao-chan –"

"You're incredible, you know that." Her voice is mixture of a snarl and a choked sob. You get that sick feeling again as you watch her bring a hand to her face and wipe angrily at her eyes.

"I didn't mean to-" You start but she cuts in harshly.

"No of course you didn't." Tamao responds nastily. It feels like a sting. You've never heard her sound so – so mean. And it hurts you to see her like this – about to break any second – and know that you are the cause of it all.

Her defensive behavior is enough of a confirmation, but you want to fix things, between the two of you. Carefully, you take a step towards her.

"Tamao-chan…"

She shakes her head roughly, backing away. She turns her head away from your line of sight completely. And you know she feels absolutely ashamed. That only makes that sick feeling in your stomach worsen. Your throat starts to burn as if there's puke about to burst through it any second. And you can feel sting of tears building up.

You want to pull her into a hug; comfort her. Tell her to not be ashamed. But you can't find it in yourself to close the gap between the two of you.

"Don't want to talk about it." She finally mutters, brushing past you, and getting into bed. She throws the covers over her body, and doesn't speak. You know the conversation is over.

With a large lump in your throat, you quietly get in to your own bed.

It's official.

.

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That was probably the worst night you've ever tried to sleep through in your life. You still can't get the sound of her muffled crying out of your head.

.

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She apologizes the next morning.

"I just need a little time." She tells you quietly, before leaving you alone in the room. And that's exactly how you feel; alone. It feels almost as if someone died in your family.

.

.

That hollow feeling only seems to worsen every day. Every time you see Tamao, walking alone your chest starts to ache in an unfamiliar way. You hate it. You wish you could just apologize and that would make her feel better, but you know it won't. You know that whatever Tamao is feeling is ten times worse than what you're feeling.

You've taken into the habit of looking for Tamao, even if you won't go talk to her, and she won't approach you, you still do it. Even if it's just passing in the hallways, your eyes always flit in her direction.

She's wearing her hair differently, you notice one day. You have not been able to get up early enough to see Tamao, before she leaves, or else you would have noticed sooner. She's abandoned the bun. Her hair is down and it hugs her shoulders like a cerulean curtain.

She looks – well she doesn't look as miserable as you feel. She looks pretty happy, in fact, from where you're sitting she's actually laughing. Your eyes flit to the person sitting next to her; Yaya.

They've been out together a lot lately, and that's where you suspect Tamao's been having nightly visits recently. It shouldn't bother you really, but it does. It's almost as if she's replacing you. Why can't Tamao have fun with you, or spend time with you? You're her roommate – who coincidentally, is the object of her affection.

Well maybe not anymore.

.

.

You're staring too much, you know it, and even Shizuma knows it. It doesn't mean anything though, because you're madly in love with Shizuma. It's only because you miss your best friend.

And it's not like you're suddenly attracted Tamao. It doesn't mean that you like her as anything more, even if you get embarrassed whenever you pretend to sleep while she's getting dressed. Or feel your heart skip a beat whenever she greets you with a simple, yet polite nod. Or even when you stole back her red ribbon. It doesn't mean anything. You needed a hair tie, and that was the _only_ thing you could find, after all.

You try to get this point across to a rather frustrated looking Shizuma. Her tawny eyes study you in cold silence as you try to explain.

"I just miss my friend." You say exasperatedly as she crosses her arms over her chest. The angry expression on her face only makes you even more nervous than what you initially were feeling.

"What are you even _doing_ Nagisa?" She says quietly, but it only sends a chill down your spine.

"What do you – "

"I _mean_, why are you still picking at her when _that_ ship has clearly already sailed." She fumes out.

"I'm – I'm not picking at _Tamao-chan_!" You protest defensively. "I haven't even talked to her –"

"What's that in your hair?" She interrupts you suddenly, reaches forward, and tugs at the ribbon. It pulls your hair a little, as it falls into Shizuma's hand. For some reason you feel this sense of blasphemy at seeing _Tamao's_ red ribbon dangling around _Shizuma's_ palm. You hastily pluck it from her hand.

You know you look flustered, because Shizuma's glare only deepens.

"What are you doing with this?"

"I needed a hair tie." You explain sheepishly. You don't really know why you're feeling so embarrassed. It _is_ the truth.

Her lip curls into a scowl as her eyes flit between the ribbon in your now clenched fist, and you. You feel like she can see right through you. But you shake that thought away. What more could she possibly attempt to see, if you're telling her the truth?

Her eyes lower to your fist and pause for a second, before looking back into your eyes.

"Where's my ring?" She question coolly.

You bow your head, and chew your lip.

"I forgot it." You admit, feeling like the world's biggest jerk. The looks she gives you when you say this not only makes you want to bang your head against the wall, it also nearly breaks your heart.

"You need to fix this, Nagisa." Shizuma says finally, moving away from you. The distance she puts between the two of you reminds you vaguely of another incident involving –

There you go again. You find it incredible that lately most of your thoughts always revert back to _her_.

"Nagisa!" Shizuma snaps you back into reality. She must have noticed your spacey behavior.

"Huh?"

"I'm getting tired of this." She says and she doesn't even sound angry or frustrated, she just comes out across as weary. "Who are you in a relationship with, me or _her_?"

You know you've royally screwed up by hesitating. It takes you a whole seven seconds to respond to her question. Her eyes widen and she opens her mouth to speak but you cut in.

"You, of course I'm in a relationship with you. I wouldn't have it any other way." You reply honestly and in that moment you _are_ telling the truth. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, but just fix things okay Nagisa?"

"Okay."

"Good."

She leans in and presses a gentle kiss on your lips. She pulls away.

"I love you." You don't look her in the eye as you say it.

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That night, you slip Shizuma's ring on your finger, and remove the red ribbon from your hair. The gut feeling emerges and you can't manage to go to sleep without tying the ribbon around your wrist.

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"We've been invited to a tea party." You remark dryly, a week later. Shizuma looks up from the book she's reading, to stare at you. Her gold eyes narrow in that familiar way. You don't feel anything, after a week of this silent, cold-shoulder treatment, you're used to it.

"By who?" She asks sharply, snapping her book shut. You flinch slightly, but it's only slight.

"Who do you think?" You deadpan. You're not like this. You know you're not like this, detached, emotionless. But lately, every time you're around Shizuma you just feel drained. It shouldn't be this way, you think. You should try harder.

You both, haven't touched really, or hugged, or even looked at each other for more than a few seconds.

You love Shizuma, and you're pushing her away. But you don't think you can take it anymore. If you have to see another one of her bitter frowns, you're really going to pull your hair out.

"I never took Yaya as a hostess." She finally says indifferently, glancing down and opening her book again. It's quiet for about a minute before you speak up.

"Is that it?" You burst out.

"What, you _actually_ want to go?" Shizuma raises a brow skeptically.

"All of our friends are going to be there – "

"Correction; all of _your_ friends are going to be there, Nagisa." She cuts you off. You feel an unusual feeling bubble at the pit of your stomach. A feeling you're not quite familiar with because you're usually too carefree to associate yourself with this emotion. Anger. "Besides, that poet is going to be there. And I don't think that's best for you."

You can feel the sensation trickle upwards towards your chest like lava.

"I _want_ to go." You try to say evenly. The tone of your voice causes Shizuma to glance back at you. Her eyes widen a little, before relaxing.

"Don't be silly, of course you don't." She tries to dismiss you, but you jump from your seat in the heat of the moment.

"I'm going." You state.

"Go on then."

"Fine." You seethe.

"Don't expect me to be there either."

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You're thoroughly relieved that Yaya planned to have a little tea party amongst your friends. It actually gives you an excuse to forget your little fight with Shizuma. And if you're being honest with yourself, you're a little excited to see Tamao – though the reason still remains unknown to you.

You're one of the first to arrive. When you walk in, Yaya appraises you with a raised brow before gesturing for you to sit down. Slowly the others start to trickle in. Soon, Tsubomi is here with you and does most of the talking. Yaya and Tsubomi are quite a troublesome pair, always bickering. You probably would have been annoyed with them if your mind wasn't already occupied with something else – _someone_ else rather.

And as if the questions in your mind have been answered, you hear soft, timed, knocking on the door.

"Will you get the door?" Yaya asks you from her seat. A second after the question Tsubomi reaches and bonks her on the back of the head with her hand. "What was that for?"

"You're so lazy!" Tsubomi scolds. "This is _your_ party."

Another argument rolls in, after you rise from your seat and head for the door.

Once you reach for the doorknob and yank it open, you swear your heart stops. Like literally, for a brief millisecond, just stops beating. And then, it suddenly, it pounds against your chest at bullet speed. It's so loud and distracting; you're horrified that the blue haired girl at the door might be able to hear it.

"Oh! Tamao!" You yell out, barely hearing yourself. Tamao's eyebrows rise slightly and she blinks at you before, returning the greeting.

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It isn't long before she's off to work – making the tea of course, because Tamao's tea is the best. You miss it. You miss the little exclusive tea parties, you both would have.

You can't help but feel a little put off by Tamao's behavior. And it doesn't make any sense because you should be used to this. Tamao's distant attitude. You spent all this time staring after her as she avoided you. And now you're feeling sentimental?

You muse over this, while watching Tamao, gracefully make the tea. You watch as Yaya moves forward to help her. Maybe it's the way those two move around each other. Like they know, without asking what they're going to do next.

You can feel your chest tighten as you see their fingers brush, as they both reach for the kettle. You miss Tamao, and you're upset that she found a new best friend. You're upset because she's found a new friend in Yaya.

You have to keep reminding yourself that as you continue to watch her. It's nothing more. But for some reason you feel that the sudden urge to strangle Yaya isn't because she's Tamao's friend.

It doesn't take long for the tea to be made, and pretty soon everyone is sitting around the table drinking tea.

You don't realize how blatantly obvious your staring is, until Tamao has the decency to stare right back and speak to you. It doesn't make sense – the way your face flushes immediately, when her eyes land on your face.

"Where's Shizuma-sama?" Tamao asks, a little defensively. And you feel like a complete idiot. Your lips feel heavy and you resist the urge to angrily snap back. But this is Tamao and you can't snap at her without feeling guilty.

And you can't exactly tell her that she's the main reason for Shizuma and your relationship problems.

"She – uh – she's busy with things." You mumble. Tamao doesn't look convinced, in fact, she looks about two seconds away from calling you out on your lie.

But in the next few seconds, it's announced that a game should be played. Phew, close one, you think. You're all for this game, as long as it doesn't leave you to Tamao questioning you.

.

.

So maybe a game isn't the best idea for your situation. Especially if it's truth or dare. And yet you can't help but feel a little tremor of excitement when it's Tamao's turn. You can see the nervous vibe she's giving off, and now your curiosity has doubled.

"Truth then." Tamao mumbles.

"Okay, have you ever… " Yaya trails off and puts on her thinking face. The excitement dims down as worry starts to overcome you. Yaya is our friend, but she does have the tendency to be – well _Yaya_. "Had a wild sex fantasy of anyone in this room?"

This just proves your point.

Tamao's face immediately pales, and her eyes meet yours in less than a second. You may sometimes be a little ditzy but you're dead sure that Tamao is referring to you. Her violet eyes bore into yours; making warm bursts of heat erupt in your chest. You can feel the tightening muscles loosen up. And what is this? You're blushing – no that's an understatement. You're brick red.

As quickly as her eyes meet yours, they look away, embarrassed.

"T-that – What kind of question is that!" She chokes out, still refusing to look at you. Does she think that you'd be offended? Because you don't. It's, well, _sweet_. If anything, it's probably a turn on – wait – no you don't mean that.

You don't know why you're thinking these things. Since when were sex dreams sweet?

The bickering continues between Yaya, Tamao, and even Tsubomi joins in the mix. You're not really paying attention; you're still trying to process the thought of Tamao's… wet dreams.

"Fine, I _dare_ you to kiss Nagisa."

At the sound of your name, your attention snaps back into place. The initial blush that slowly faded away comes back full blast when Tamao turns her gaze back on you. Her eyes are wide, and a little fearful. Her mouth is open in shock, and she looks like she's turned to stone.

You're not exactly sure why your heart starts to race again, as you wait for her to move. You can't explain the anticipation that builds up at the thought of her closing the distance between the two of you, and pressing her lips against yours. And you can't really describe the sudden and equally strong desire to kiss her.

It's unexpected, but obviously not unwelcome.

"That's not funny." Tamao finally says, turning away from you. You blink and the little daze you were in washes away slightly. She rises from her seat in a huff, and she's glaring at everyone. "I can't believe you!"

"Tamao, we're just kidding around – " Yaya tries to explain, but Tamao, fully turns away.

"Enjoy your game." She snaps, before walking out the door.

.

.

And then you're chasing after her, cursing yourself for not putting on any shoes before you came after her. She's running quite fast and you're not sure you can keep up with her. Since when did Tamao get so fast?

You keep up, your hand is only a foot away before you dive and snatch her wrist, yanking her towards you.

"Nagisa-chan, what are you – "

"You- you can't just run off like that!" You practically wheeze out. "Do you _want_ to get in trouble?"

Her violet eyes widen slightly before softening. And then she looks away from you – like she can't even manage to look at you. It makes your chest sting slightly. You want her to look at you. You have no idea why. You just want her to _see_ you again – the way she did before the Etoile election ceremony.

She sighs softly; you don't realize how close you are until you feel her breath on your face.

"I'm sorry." She mumbles. The way she apologizes, it's like she's saying it for something other than running off. And that empty feeling you get in your gut erupts suddenly. You shake your head, trying to shoo away that sensation.

"Don't." You say earnestly, tightening your hold on her wrist. "It's my fault, I shouldn't have let her egg you on," She lifts her gaze back on you. Those dark mulberry eyes send shivers down your spine, and you feel your face heating up. You don't know why, by god, you have no idea why you suddenly begin to flush. "I just didn't know that the thought of kissing me was so repulsive." You admit, looking away hurriedly. It's probably one of the most honest things you've said in such a long time.

Why didn't she want to kiss you? Did she not love you anymore? Or was expecting to be kissed insensitive towards her feelings?

Your face flushes a darker red as you come to the realization that you did – in fact – have a slight inkling of hope that she'd just go right ahead and kiss you.

"It's not – it's not like that." She says in a soft voice. "I mean… I just didn't want to hope for the impossible."

The slight desperation in her tone makes you look up to her face. And you can see the light hints of tears brimming up around her eyes – they're bright, almost glowing in this moonlight.

"Tamao-chan, what do you mean the _impossible_?" You question, even though you have an idea of what she's talking about. And it breaks your heart that she thinks that way. You pull her a little closer, so that she's only a few inches away from you; you're about the same height as her.

You study her face, the way her ears flame first and then slowly trickle their way to her face. It's weird how you didn't notice this before; it's quite adorable, really. You would voice out your thoughts but the miserable expression she's wearing makes you hold your tongue.

"The thought of me and you." She says hesitantly, as if testing the words out loud. Her lips tremble, and her eyes are watering again. She lets out another little huff, and this time her breath hits your own lips. You're so close. "The thought that you might… love me."

Tamao takes in an uncomfortable gulp, and she looks seconds from breaking. You don't know why, but all that flits through your mind is how cute she is; even on the verge of tears. So adorable,

_So beautiful._

You don't even realize it, but you're leaning in and in less than a second your lips crash into hers. It almost feels like you're eating cake or something – the way you practically attack her. You don't know why you're so aggressive, maybe because you're a little angry. Angry at how ready she is to give up.

You want to tell her to keep fighting, to tell her not to give up, to tell her that you need her too.

Your hands move around her, exploring the mysterious lands of Tamao's figure. She's about the same size as you, and you like it. It's easier to maneuver. It's almost as if your hands were meant to touch her. She groans into your mouth and it only makes you quake with anticipation. She – she wants this, you know she does. She still wants you. She still loves you.

Her lips part and she pulls away slightly – you can feel her hot breath beat against your lips, dragging you back against her.

She's clinging on to you for dear life. You feel her hands digging into your back, through your pajamas. You would tell her it hurts, but you can't bring yourself to pull away. Besides you don't mind. You can't even really feel it.

You kiss her everywhere you can possibly imagine on her face, drinking in her taste. She turns her head, revealing her smooth pale neck. It shouldn't have made the excitement bubble in you tenfold, but it does. You should stop this – whatever it is your doing – with Tamao. But you've passed the limit of your rationality. It's all feelings now.

In a matter of seconds your lips connect with her neck, planting kisses along her pulse point. Your teeth grazing against her skin. She holds in a yelp.

"Tamao-chan," You whisper heavily once you're near her ear. "Tamao-chan, Tamao-chan."

She lets out an uneven sigh as you continue your journey along her neck.

You can feel her chest heave against your chin as you trail lower. Your hands move of their own accord – along with the rest of your body, seeing as how you've got her practically pinned against the wall – and move towards the buttons of her nightgown.

Her hands around you immediately loosen, and before you've gotten through the first button she's pushing you away.

"Stop!" She practically screams out and you almost fall over.

For one horrifying second you think that she wants to stop kissing you, and it sends a jolt of fear down your spine. Because you don't want to stop. Because you like kissing her. Because you have a feeling that you might not be able to do this again if you stop now.

"We shouldn't be out in the hallways. We might get caught, _Nagisa-chan._" Tamao whispers, almost sheepishly.

And you can feel a flame of pride burn in your chest at the sight of her flustered face.

.

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The next morning, the sun shining through the window wakes you up. It's weird because that never happens. Slowly, you blink and look around noticing the sun hitting the bed. The sun never hits _your_ bed.

You hear a soft sigh next to you and you look down to find blue hair splayed out across your chest. You realize you're not in your bed, but Tamao's and you slept in the same bed.

Your mind travels back to last night. To the kisses and the touches and the warmth that was irrevocably and undeniably _Tamao_. She curls up toward you unconsciously and breaths against your neck. It makes you shiver with delight.

You want to wake her up – see her violet eyes staring back at you, kiss her. But you feel oddly at peace, lying with your limbs entangled with hers. Besides, this is probably the only time you'll ever wake up before Tamao.

You think she's probably really tired. Yesterday was an emotionally draining day, and with all the activities that were done last night you think she won't be getting up soon. Your eyes flit to her sleeping face. She's wearing a small content smile and you can't help but think _adorable_ again.

She's adorable, and beautiful, and perfect. And you can't fathom the idea of hurting her in the past, when all you want to do now is hold her close.

"_Tamao-chan_," You whisper to her. She lets out a soft snore in response.

You can't hold back anymore. Your lips meet her forehead in less than a second, then her nose, her cheek, her jaw, the corner of her mouth.

You reach forward to brush her cerulean hair away from her neck to continue your journey across her body. But when your eyes glance at your hand, you come to a shattering halt. The ring. _Shizuma's_ ring.

It's shining back at you, mockingly. Shizuma.

What on earth do you think you're doing? Kissing Tamao when you have a girlfriend you're madly in love with?

Through your internal interrogation you manage to untangle yourself from the sleeping Tamao, to sit on the edge of the bed.

What the hell are you going to do? How do you explain this?

You can't possibly tell Shizuma, she'll get the wrong idea – well she'll get the _right_ idea, but it'll be wrong anyway. You're – you're a cheater. You cheated on your girlfriend. So what if you two were having problems. It didn't give you an excuse to go all wild.

You can't tell Shizuma. You just can't.

Despite the dreadful, foreboding feeling you get, you can't find yourself to move further away from the sense of warmth occupying the bed. What are you going to do? You can't just leave Tamao _again_. She loves you and you – well you certainly are attracted to her right?

You tilt your head to look over your shoulder, back at the sleeping girl. She's still curled up somewhat, but her arm is stretched out, as if searching for you. You can feel your heart flutter and this sudden urge to rejoin her. What if it's more than an attraction?

Could there be a slight chance that you may have possibly fallen in –

The loud noise of someone knocking on the door breaks you from your thoughts. You think it's probably Yaya and the rest of the gang. You both did disappear in the middle of the night. You should have at least told them you were heading back to your room.

You straighten out your crinkled sleep ware, and run a hand through your messy hair. At least make yourself somewhat presentable right?

Once you open the door, you sincerely wished that you stayed in bed with Tamao instead.

"Sh-Shizuma, what are you doing here?" You blurt out, on the urge of slamming the door.

"Yaya told me you left the party and ended up back in your room." She states indifferently. You can see her golden eyes peering over your head across the room. "She told me that you and the poet came back together."

You gulp and look away. You feel so guilty that you can't even pretend to get angry at Shizuma.

"It's true." You admit sheepishly, shifting your weight from one foot to the other.

"What did you do?" She demands coldly.

"Wha – "

"What did you two do? Did you sleep with her?"

_Well technically speaking…_

"No!" You snap defensively. And you're telling the truth. You and Tamao didn't _do_ anything like that – well besides kiss, and make out a bit, but nothing more than that.

_But it still counts as cheating._

Shizuma visibly relaxes, and her eyes are back on you. They narrow and it seems as if she's looking through her soul. She lets out a soft sigh, before reaching forward and brushing her fingers against your cheek. If it were possible, they felt even colder than before. So cold that you jump away.

"I'm sorry, Nagisa-chan," - the usage of your pet name almost makes you cringe. It just doesn't sound sincere coming from her mouth – "I'm just worried is all. We won't be with each other very long and I want to make what little time we have left the best. I love you, Nagisa."

You look up at her briefly and her golden eyes are smoldering into yours. She loves you.

"I love you too." You reply honestly. "I'm sorry I worried you. Lately, I feel distant from you and I just – I just needed someone to comfort me."

You realize that what you're saying is true. You were lonely and you did need someone to comfort you. However, you're still not sure you can place Tamao as just someone. She has a special place in your heart, but it doesn't come close to what you have with Shizuma.

.

.

You wait patiently on your bed as Tamao rouses. As soon as she wakes up she spots you and her lips pull into a happy lopsided grin. You don't return the smile.

You feel sick to your stomach at what you're about to do – to say to her. Tamao's smile fades as she notices your serious expression. And you can practically see the light bulb click on as she realizes what's going on. Her expression hardens and you know she's putting up the mask.

She gingerly scoots to the edge of the bed and doesn't meet your eye.

"_Tamao-chan_ we need to talk – "

"Can't say I didn't expect this to happen." She mumbles softly. And you can feel your motive crushing. For one brief second, you're willing to throw away everything and pull her into a kiss. But deep down you know that it won't solve anything because you just don't feel that way for Tamao.

"It was a mistake; I'm sorry Tamao-chan." You respond in a whisper.

She still refuses to look at you.

"Tamao-chan please, look at me. I'm – I'm sorry! You're my best friend, and I care for you, but in the end I'll always choose Shizuma. I _love_ her – "

"_Just stop!"_ She blurts out. You literally flinch at this outburst. It's the second time you've seen her like this and you hate it. This is not Tamao. This is not your _Tamao-chan_. But when has she ever been yours?

She rises from her seat. "You don't need to explain. I understand completely. I won't bother you again. We'll pretend like this never happened, okay?" She flashes you an attempt at a friendly smile and it only breaks your heart.

"That's not what I – "

"Please, don't."

"Can we still be friends?" You ask desperately. Tamao finally looks at you. She's not crying or anything you would expect from her. She's emotionless, hard, and cold – like steel barrier. With a horrifying realization, you notice she reminds you of Shizuma at this moment. Closed off.

"I don't think so." She answers honestly, and you can hear the slight tremor in her voice. "I mean for right now."

.

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You don't think there was ever at time where you hated yourself more than now. Hated yourself for listening Shizuma, hated yourself for hurting Tamao again.

This is what you get when you let people walk all over you; heartbreak. And there's nobody to blame but yourself.

You realize that you just _love_ her too much.

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**Ah do you know who Nagisa is referring to? Hmm, the world may never know :O**

**Thank you for reading and I'd really appreciate reviews n' stuff so, without further ado:**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW (rhymes, lmao)  
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